Don't Mess With My Cape
by LyingTurtle
Summary: Dave has some sneaky motives to do with Karkat's dancestor, and dirty is the only way Dave plays.


**Ok so this took 5ever, I got my friend to draw me kankridave because of this though. Anyways I can hardly take this seriously /but then again I've never taken homoerotic fanfiction very seriously/ but yeah, so enjoy the smut~**

It wasn't that hard to find the annoying kitkat, Dave just followed the trail of anyone who was absconding fast, with the look of pissed off and offended. The dream bubble turning from Derse into Prospit. He shivered a bit, feeling a disturbing presence. The red menace was close by.

"And that's why one should always be careful when dealing with other cultures, the risk of triggering them would be-"

"Sup" Dave said loudly, interrupting Kankri from his walking lecture to an audience that was no longer there. Dave could have sworn he saw Porrim or someone standing beside him for about six seconds before they took the opportunity to ditch.

"Oh, hello there human. Pardon me for not quite recalling you in particular"

"The name's Dave, Dave Strider" he said flashing a grin. Anyone else would have known something was up in a flash, anyone except Kankri that is.

"Well, can I be of any assistance to you?"

"Actually yeah, I heard you're the person to go to for advice around here" he saw Kankri practically light up at these words.

"Well I _have_ been known for helping many in positions of confusion, where my insight may help to guide them"

"Sweet. Do you think we could talk some place else, how about your room?"

"Why certainly, and blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah" Dave had stopped listening as he followed the troll up and through the overly happy looking walls of the Prospit dream bubble castle. He looked him up and down, deciding he was probably a bit taller than Karkat, maybe more slender and weak though, it was hard to tell with the adorable sweater that almost went over his hands.

They finally came to Kankri's room, the door locking automatically behind them in that weird sort of dream bubble way.

"Now what can I help you with?" Kankri started, watching Dave as he eyed the room, finding it not too shabby and then taking off his shades. Red flags would have immediately gone up for anyone more educated in the ways of Strider.

"Well it appears as though I've been having some quadrant trouble lately" he sighed poetically, flopping down on the side of the human bed (to which he only briefly wondered why it wasn't one of those weird cocoon things, then he decided he didn't care). Patting the space beside him, Kankri found it would be disrespectful to decline an invitation, so he joined him, feeling only a tad uncomfortable, but it was all for the sake of cultural expansion so he got over it.

"Well I myself have chosen to stay chaste to avoid any of this hormonal drama like triggering, I could always instruct you on how to follow suit with your respective quadrant partner. It's a rather lengthy process-"

"No no no, no one is restraining from anything around here. I just need to work out all these kinks so I don't put strain on my relationships or whatever" he said, pulling half of it out his ass as he went.

"I don't think I understand-" he cut off as Dave practically smashed their lips together in a heated frenzy, grabbing his horns and scraping his nails over the sensitive protrusions.

Kankri grabbed his hands and shoved him off, Dave's back hitting the bed with a thud, he'd be lying if he said that wasn't a huge turn on just now.

"I'd be very much obliged to requesting that you respect my wishes on refraining from this sort of thing! While I can help instruct you to restrain yourself from this sort of thing if you still wish. But you-"

He shut up as Dave quickly was back up close and personal to him.

"Hey its just you helping a bro out, humans do it all the time, it's totally casual, just a good stress reliever"

Kankri was half tempted to just close his eyes and melt in the blondes proximity.

"Well it isn't that way for trolls mind you!"

"You haven't ever wanted to try something different?" Dave's breath was now hot on his ear, making the troll blush a bit.

"What are you-" he just couldn't get a full sentence in these days, Dave had his mouth on him again, but this time he was kissing him softly, sort of in that way that you can't be upset with because its so fucking vanilla. He felt himself sharply intake his breath as a palm began pressing down on his pants, another hand snaking up under his shirt.

Dave ran his tongue against the soft lips of the other, Kankri opened his lips to let him in, stifling a little gasp as their tongues met and rolled over one another. Kankri didn't notice how hard he was getting before his pants became uncomfortable tight, Dave's palm working relentlessly and causing must suppressed feelings to come taking over.

"Still don't want to try it?" Dave whispered, breaking the kiss and licking the saliva off his lips.

"I suppose, for the sake of better understanding another culture, it wouldn't be _too_ unpleasant to try, given this opportunity isn't a common one to have."

"I'll take that as a yes. There's one thing though, part of the human mating ritual or whatever"

"What is it?"

"I need you to wear something" He pulled out something that had been wadded up in his pocket. Flicking it out it became clear it was a plaid mini skirt.

"Um-"

"Ok before you say anything, yeah its weird to you, but its practically the only way, seriously everyone has to have one, its really normal don't be nervous"

"I don't think I can do this, see in _my _culture we-" he had just decided on a new drinking game, everyone take a drink for each sentence he doesn't get to finish. He was beginning to think Dave didn't like the way he talked but that would be preposterous. And also alcohol is triggering so he quickly disregarded the drinking game.

Dave had pushed him down, getting farther on top of him and kissing him passionately, only to quickly remove his lips and began trailing kisses down the trolls neck.

Kankri hissed as he tried to come up some words to fill the silence with, only ending up trying to cover all his moans and gasps while Dave fiddled around with stripping the both of them. He rearranged them so Kankri was laying down on the bed properly, gripping the sheets as Dave worked his mouth lower and lower, hands beginning to run up his legs which had at some point in time been stripped of pants. Kankri's eyes shot open as he heard a zipper. Looking down he saw he was in fact in the skirt that Dave for some reason had. Blushing furiously he began babbling nonsense, some of it incoherent.

"I'm uncertain... cultural climates escalating to dependency... cultural evolution... Ah!" he gasped as Dave bobbed his head over his tentacle like dick. Dave was actually surprised at how easy it was to slide down his throat, and a little glad it got Kankri to stop mumbling nonsense.

He grabbed Dave's head in a frenzy, pushing him down farther and tangling his hands in the blondes hair.

"Oh fuck" he groaned, rolling his head back, whispering a quick language trigger that turned into a moan. He started panting as the heat in his abdomen was burning like a forest fire. "Oh please yes, just like that" he breathed, arching his back more. "Nnn, I'd suggest having a p-pail" he moaned, Dave only sped up.

Kankri practically screamed and came, practically falling over himself as loads of red genetic material shot off into Dave's mouth, he didn't bother trying to swallow it, he he angled let it fall back out, dripping in a way that made Kankri feel even more "triggered".

"Ok you ready now?" Dave asked, taking his mouth away and wiping some of the sticky red substance from his lips with his wrist.

"I, uh, might want a minute or so, to calm down for a moment"

"Ugh, ok well why you do that, how about returning the favor?" Kankri moved over towards Dave uncertainly, Dave had been naked for a while so he had been given plenty of time to ogle his strange reproductive device, but up close it was still so... weird.

"Dude its ok, its not going to bite"

"I am fully aware of that!" Kankri snapped, licking his lips then beginning to work his mouth over the shaft. He was pretty bad at it, almost making Dave laugh. He tried too hard and then too softly and just ended up acting more like a crappy whore. Kankri seemed to be getting off on it than Dave.

"Alright lay back now"

"But you didn't-"

"It's ok I'd rather do this instead"

Laying down, Dave put a hand beside the trolls head, positioning himself over Kankri who started getting extremely nervous.

"Is this going to hurt- AH TRIGGER!" he practically screamed as Dave started easing into him.

"Dude its not my fault, your crazy trollgina or whatever is seriously tight" he grunted. Kankri bit his lip, almost drawing blood as he adjusted to the feeling, finding him slightly more aroused than he thought he would be at the feeling of being filled up like this.

Dave finally got all in, giving him one more minute to adjust before beginning to get a pace, earning a deep groan from Kankri. Suddenly feeling needy, Dave started going faster, pounding in deeper and harder each time. Kankri gripped the sheets so hard his nails ripped through. They kept getting faster and louder, Kankri dragged his nails over Dave's back, earning a hiss from the blonde. They were just about a screaming mess before Dave came, shooting some off inside him before pulling out and splattering the rest on Kankri's thighs and abdomen. Kankri barely even noticed as he climaxed as well, breathless as red material ran down his thighs as well, overlapping the white. Needless to say the skirt which seemed utterly pointless and random, was sticky and beyond any sort of salvation.

Exhausted they both laid back. The troll was out like a light, obviously not bothered by not being cleaned up. He just laid there sleeping, strewn out above the covers.

Once Dave was sure he was asleep, he quietly for up without shaking the bed and grabbing his phone out his discarded pants pocket. Snapping a quick pic of the scene that laid before him. Then he just pressed a few buttons and in a moment it was... sent.

CG: WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK STRIDER?

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING HELL?

TG: ok so now we understand each other

TG: you fuck with my cape one more time

TG: and i swear to your troll jesus and everything, i will send this to fucking everyone and say its you

CG: ...

CG: you wouldn't dare

TG: try me

CG: i hate you

TG: not as much as your dancestor when he wakes up


End file.
